Just to set the stage here, my mom and I are pretty close. She gave up the city life in my hometown of New Orleans to come live in the [dreaded] suburbs of the Midwest so that she could see us as often as she wanted. We talk for hours on the phone, about almost everything, several times a week. Although we have very different personalities, we 'get' each other, and I can always bounce my ideas off of her, or just vent about a current frustration, whether I'm looking for advice or not. She is always supportive.
So the other day, she called me to tell me that she had something that had been weighing on her heart for a few years and that she needed to get it out. And also that she needed my help in order to share it. She said that whenever she would think about it, the timing wasn't right. It had to be around Mother's Day or Father's Day. I asked what it was and how I was supposed to help her share it....
She said it was a special message from her about my husband and me that she wanted to share with the world, but that she needed a venue where she could put it without it getting lost somewhere out in Cyberspace, never to be seen or found again. She decided my blog would probably be a good place to put it, now that I've got it up and running.
So here is a very intimate glimpse into our lives, from the words of my mom......
Celebrating a Special Mom and Dad
This year I wanted to go beyond the scripted words of a fancy greeting card and just speak from the heart and pay tribute to the most special mom and dad I have ever come to know in my life: (my daughter) Becka and (her husband) Brian. They have been parents for 15 years now (Brandon just turned 15; Brittany will soon be 11), and they have consistently maintained their top spot on the Parenting Honor Roll.
They have known from the get-go that they were destined to raise a family together, and I have especially appreciated how they have each cherry-picked only the best parts of their own childhoods and family traditions, blended them together, and added their own new twists in order to create their own unique version of a fun and loving family that is happy, connected, and secure in the love and support they have for one another. And they reaffirm these values each and every day of their lives.
They both agreed from the start that Becka would be a stay-at-home mom, and she has always understood the tremendous responsibility and commitment that comes with that 24/7 job of nurturing and raising a family. Becka is the organizer, the event coordinator, the chauffeur, the predictable and militant enforcer of commonsense rules and All Things Structured, and the guiding light when it comes to setting (and enforcing) boundaries, the budget administrator and magical money stretcher, to name just a few attributes. She often pulls miracles in making sure that everything comes together at the right time and place. She also puts a tremendous amount of thought and planning to ensure that the whole family, but the kids especially, have a fun-filled summer -- and keeping it all within a tight budget.
She goes the extra mile in participating in many of their summer activities -- summer camp, youth group outings, etc. -- to ensure that the kids are safe and secure and to further show her personal investment in their happy childhood. She has seen to it that they have an abundance of happy memories upon which to reflect when they get older. And her extraordinary talent as an avid scrapbooker ensures they will have lots of fun Kodak moments to keep that nostalgia alive in perpetuity!
Her talents and energy are not limited to just the fun stuff. When Brandon was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at age six, she immediately embarked on what would become a lifelong quest to find out everything she possibly could in order to stay on top of this life-threatening and life-changing condition. Overnight, she became Brandon’s stalwart advocate, ensuring that everyone in his world was armed with as much information as possible, to ensure his safety. She’s willingly taken on the role of warrior, as when she learned that various teachers during his elementary school years were behaving irresponsibly with regard to his diabetes. She ensures that his eating and activities are managed in a way that keeps him safe, while still encouraging and embracing his need and desire to be self-sufficient and independent. She absolutely gets it that diabetes may be their cross to bear, but it is not a ball and chain.
Becka is constantly reading Internet articles, books, and magazines that help to enrich her life and her role as a mother and wife. She understands that a fun and loving family doesn’t create itself. She wakes up every day with a mission to make sure her family feels loved and happy.
Brian is everything I could want in a son-in-law, and more -- the perfect mate for my daughter and a perfect father for my grandkids. He has always had a strong sense of responsibility and commitment toward his family. He knew from the start that if Becka stayed home, it would place a heavier burden on him to shore up the family finances, and he willingly accepted that task. He has worked two jobs for many years, and just thinking about his grueling schedule makes me exhausted. But the way he executes it in any given week also leaves me in awe.
He works from 8:00 to 5:00 Monday through Friday. On Friday evening, he then pulls a 12-hour shift at his second job, then tries to catch a few hours’ sleep -- on a Saturday, when kids are out playing and everyone is out working in their yard, lawn equipment buzzing away -- then back for another 12-hour shift Saturday night. After a few hours’ sleep on Sunday, another 12-hour shift on Sunday night, then dashing home long enough to take a shower, and back to his daytime job on Monday. That’s two 24-hour shifts separated by just one day. And that’s not all.
After pulling a 24-hour shift on Friday, for the most part, he tries to sleep on Saturdays - but only if there is nothing “more important” going on. If either of the kids have an extracurricular activity going on, he’s there -- not because anyone asked him to go, but because he wants to be there. During times when they’ve been renovating or redecorating the house, he would come home after a 24-hour shift and paint the walls or help install new Pergo flooring. One time (while I was there) he even painted the kitchen twice in a row, because it was the wrong color, and rather than complain, he was the one who insisted on painting it. Why? To quote him, “It’s the least I can do, because Becka puts up with me.” Puts up with me? How humbling!
On Sunday mornings, after working 12 hours (and shortly before, working another 24-hour shift), he often cooks a full “Sunday breakfast.” It’s a wonderful meal, and he makes a grand mess. But not to worry -- after breakfast, he cleans the kitchen -- and I mean really cleans the kitchen -- every last dirty pot or pan, the stove, even cleaning behind the microwave and cleaning the floor if need be. Then, as often as possible, he tries to make it to church, often having to go to a different, earlier service in order to ensure that he gets at least a few hours’ sleep before the next 24-hour shift.
Normally, on Monday night, he’s ready to crash almost as soon as he gets home. But, as luck would have it, Brittany’s American Heritage Girl activities and some school events were often scheduled on a Monday night -- after he’d already worked two 24-hour shifts with a 12-hour shift in between over the previous three days. But that never stopped him from showing up to each and every one of these events.
Adding to all of this, he makes a point to be there for all the little (but still important) things that happen every day -- family dinners, assisting with homework, reading to or with the kids, playing basketball, going to movies or concerts, or just watching a home movie together. He also takes time for other events -- like visiting the kids at summer camp, taking time off and enduring (patiently!) the minutia of having a professional family portrait taken, going to school conferences, doctor appointments, sharing in the cooking responsibilities, working in the yard, and enjoying fabulous family vacations. All this, and Brian never, ever complains about being sleep-deprived or exhausted. Instead, he relishes the blessings of a loving family and relishes every minute of time he gets to spend with them.
As individual parents, Becka and Brian are both amazing, but as a parenting unit, they are even better. Every day, they make an effort to not only nurture their kids with explicit guidance when needed, but they also lead by example. They have a strong sense of spirituality, faith, and love of God, and the kids see daily demonstrations of their strong sense of family values and responsibility as well as a loving, thoughtful, and respectful attitude toward others. They treat each other with love and respect, and the kids get to see that a relationship between two parents doesn’t just happen on its own -- it has to be nurtured as well. They are not afraid to admit when they have made a mistake, and they make sure the kids see and know this. They work hard to ensure that they provide a unified front when there are any family issues that need handling or discussion, and they also work hard to make sure the kids understand that any discipline meted out is done with love and not out of anger in the moment. They place a high priority on quality family time, including family meals, fun adventures, and just being together.
They are fully committed to maintaining and nurturing this wonderful garden of family life they have created for themselves, to ensure that it yields perpetual blooms, and I have no doubt that it will, for time and all eternity.
As a single, workaholic mom, who put in more hours working than in one-on-one parenting, I cannot take any credit for Becka’s awesome parenting skills, but I am proud to say that she is my daughter. She is the kind of mom I wish I’d had -- and that I wish she’d had -- and that every kid should have! I am also proud and happy to call Brian my son-in-law. But more important, I am grateful every day for the blessing of peace and tranquility and joy, as I wake up each morning, secure in the knowledge that my grandkids are going to have another joyful day in their happy home. A mom could not ask for a better gift than that in life.
Thank you, Becka and Brian, for being you. Keep on doing what you’re doing. You’re doing great!
Love, Mom :)
